I heard we made out
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
