Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Are my feet made of real feet?
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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