Your dad touched me again.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
