Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
