i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
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