Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
Randomize
