would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
