My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
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