I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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