woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
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