We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize
