White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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