im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
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