Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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