The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
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as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
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You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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