We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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