from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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