my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize