don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
