I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Also, beer. Big fan.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Randomize
