I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I want to be your penis for a week.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
