I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
