Swine flu is the new snow day.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
