your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
