did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
