Nicole vs. Life
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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