I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
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my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
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i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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