We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
