Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize
