I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
