In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
