I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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