he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
