Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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