thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
