Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
