You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
