So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
