In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
