awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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