He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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