how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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