It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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