Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
