i think my mom watched the whole time
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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