we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
what is it with giant penises always finding me
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
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