I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
