I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
he just fucked me for my cheese.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
