Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
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