I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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