Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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