do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
