just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
