Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
