so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Randomize
