oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
