Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
