just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
