i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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