I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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