I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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