Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
As shirtless as possible
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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