i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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