She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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