I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I use my feet as sexual weapons
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
