Cold hands, warm shart.
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
