have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
