Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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