I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
