Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
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