the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
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