Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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