Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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