Reggie can tackle my bush.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
