Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
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