Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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