I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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